employment: I have a job interview tomorrow. For something I’m actually interested in. And I’m nervous b/c I think I actually want it…. and i don’t want to talk it out of existence. (curb yourself Elizabeth!) So I shall say no more. I’ve been job searching for several days now on and off (mostly on my days off from my current job….which is starting to suffocate my SOUL). I told Erin that it’s not that I’m annoyed with customers coming in, it’s that I’m annoyed with myself for being there helping those customers. I don’t like taking orders. I’d rather give them.
amor: no current romantic suitors. which, segun Dios, seems to be the best choice. I met a really cool guy the other week, who seemed so cultured and promising upon meeting, but who later seemed to be about as enthusiastic about me as I am about my current job. My previous Spanish novio has contacted me several times throughout the past month, with what seem to be unclear motives. Can’t let go? Doesn’t want to? Playing egotistical mind games? But who can unlock the mind of a male. Especially a foreign one across the ocean. Not me. What I want most right now though isn’t more question marks, but rather an uncluttered heart and a better paycheck.
misc: I’ve been stateside for exactly 4 months and 2 days now. American boredom has found its way into my vida cotidiana. There are much less plane rides and trains in my life. The same scenery and accents surround me like the mild Texan autumn. Life here is comfortable and convenient, but I am always thinking of what my next move could be. I could easily say that China, Austin or California are calling. Not to mention that I applied for a job in Toledo? It’s not that I don’t know what I’m doing….it’s that I’m just not 100% of what the most fulfilling choice would be. And I am still a commitment-phobe. Just the idea of renewing my phone contract for more 2 years makes me walk out the door. What if I move abroad again? I can give you 4 months, 6 months…but tell me I have to stay somewhere without leaving for 1 year and i’ll yelp like a toddler getting its first shot. Don’t hold me down! How boring are you to even dare such a proposition?
One thing that I definitely enjoy more here is a healthy social life. Friends with shared beliefs. They may not be into traveling and living abroad as i am, but somehow, their company is easier to be in.
People keep asking me if I’m going back to Spain, why I left, why I don’t want to live there right now, when I’ll go back, etc etc. And I feel like the answers are mixed up even for myself. I always feel as though my responses are never good enough, or convincing enough, which makes me wonder if I even know the real reason. Explaining why you’re burnt out on a culture and a country is hard to explain unless you’ve experienced it yourself.
So that’s that. A short random assessment of my life post re-entry. Re-immersing myself into a country I grew up in, but grew to live without for 3 years.